Week 3 Early Games: Remember That One Time When Everyone Was Injured?
"When was that?" Well, you should remember, as it was only last week where 97% of the all ACL's in the NFL collectively exploded. I'm no doctor, so I had no idea that modern medicine was able to take...
View ArticleWeek 3 Late Games: Super Bowl Rematch? I Had No Idea.
If you've been able to survive the narrative process for this game, which started back when 2014 NFL Schedule was released, we've finally made it. The rematch of all rematches from a Super Bowl game...
View ArticleSNF, Week 3: Steelers vs. Panthers
I honestly can't tell you why the Steelers are getting the Sunday Night Football treatment, it's like this is 2008 or something, especially on a day where there was a rematch of 48...
View ArticleMNF, Week 3: Bears vs. Jets
Uhhhhh... are you pointing at me? That look feels like sexual assault... The tale of how these teams fared last week couldn't be more opposite than actual Jets and actual Bears. Missiles and salmon...
View ArticleTNF, Week 4, Giants vs. Washington Football Team
Can't get more exciting than this folks. The battle for last place in the NFC East is up for grabs tonight, and I for one will be watching this game with bated breath, much like how I watch porn....
View ArticleWeek 4 Early Games: There Will Be Blood
“I want to make sure that whatever team I go to, they’re going to get the best, in-shape 35-year-old guy they can get. If that happens to run through Bank of America Stadium, put your goggles on cause...
View ArticleWeek 4 Late Games: 49(ers) Survivor Tips
It's still too early to declare any team having a zero-to-little chance of going to the playoffs. Well, except for Jacksonville. And Oakland. And probably the Vikings. And the Titans as well. Oh,...
View ArticleSNF, Week 4: Saints vs. Cowboys
While I'm sure a lot of quarterbacks can claim to be quite good against the Cowboys during the regular season (because they don't go to the postseason... ICE BURN), Drew Brees most certainly can be...
View ArticleMNF, Week 4: Patriots vs. Chiefs
These are not your father's Patriots. Mostly because they sucked more back then. But here in the 21st century, we are used to the Greatriots. Not so much anymore. More like the Mediocriots, amiright?...
View ArticleTNF: Vikings vs. Packers
While Teddy Bridgewater is technically a game time decision, Adam Schefter is reporting that the "signs point to him (Bridgewater) not playing tonight." Which means that there's a 50% chance that he's...
View ArticleWeek 5 Early Games: Questionabletron
The latest reports coming out of Detroit are expressing caution... ever since the mayor signed a deal with the mega-corportaion Omni Consumer Products (OCP) to run and control the underfunded police...
View ArticleWeek 5 Late Games: Bye Bye Bye Week
The surprising Cardinals (3-0) are set to take on the Broncos (2-1) after both teams enjoyed their byes. That sounds hot. Denver has been surprisingly pedestrian in a lot of ways so far this season,...
View ArticleSNF, Week 5: Bengals vs. Patriots
Just in time for tonight's prime time festivities, there are reports surfacing like leaky submarines (stay with me here) that "tension" exists between Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. If by...
View ArticleMNF, Week 5: Seahawks vs. Washington Football Team
Our football cuppeth runneth over...eth... I guess? With another Sunday in the books, Monday Night Football has arrived, just in time to give us a reason to drink for at least three hours tonight. Or...
View ArticleTNF, Week 6: Colts vs. Texans
Since this game falls on Thursday night, I can only surmise that the Colts will win this game by at least 48,965 touchdowns. And I feel that might be on the low-end. In what will be a battle of two...
View ArticleWeek 6 Early Games: Bungles Gonna Bungle
After last Sunday's unexpected, yet sort of expected meltdown against a Patriots team that was seriously broken to that point, one has to wonder if the Bengals will ever be ready for the spotlight....
View ArticleWeek 6 Late Games: Is it Romocember Yet?
No, most certainly not. But the leaves are changing, the weather is getting a bit chillier, and the Cowboys are winning, which can only mean that their inevitable collapse into mediocrity and missing...
View ArticleSNF, Week 6: Giants vs. Eagles
This seems like a match-up made more for Thursday Night Football, in that, the potential derp is strong with this game... but people forget Sunday Night Football derp can be equally as, if not more...
View ArticleMNF, Week 6: 49ers vs. Rams
Tonight's game features two teams going in different directions. The 49ers have won two straight, even with reports coming out that Jim Harbaugh has lost the player's trust. I find this curious, as...
View ArticleTNF, Week 7: Jets vs. Patriots
As Rex Ryan continues to countdown the weeks to unemployment, the Patriots must again try to overcome adversity with left guard Brian Winters and running back Steven Ridley suffering year-ending...
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